Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
