WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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