he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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