Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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