help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
