And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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