If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
