I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
