I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
