Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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