I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
