idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
