Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we should paint friendship bongs
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