arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
