u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
