i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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