just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
