lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
