sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I still have a little drunk in my system
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
