well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Your cock deserves a montage
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
