Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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