You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize