I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
