We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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