peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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