he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
