She said her name was "party"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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