the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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