i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
