yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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