Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
