I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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