the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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