i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
only if we run a train.
done.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
