Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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