Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
