Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
