I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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