I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I got her a Nickelback box set.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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