Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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