I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What a fucking waste of an outfit
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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