What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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