just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
