He disabled his match.com account in front of me
one two three fourrrrnication!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
