Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
