you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
