stop calling my apartment porn island.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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