it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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