My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
