dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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