my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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