Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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