Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
