What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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