What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
