I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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