Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
