I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
