No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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