i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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