So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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