I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
