what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think i have herpe
just one?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
