Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We are all done wearing pants today
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
