she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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