Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
