your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
