She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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