the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize