what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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