Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
two words: eviction party
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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