why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
