New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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