You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
