she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
